


i will carry your pain.

by yukinatsu (GubraithianFire)



Category: Given (Manga)
Genre: Boyfriends, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Established Relationship, M/M, Making Out, Trauma, all tw’s for the manga/anime stand for this fic, pls if you are an anime only beware of the spoilers, the scene this fic is based on happens far up in the manga, uenoyama is a good boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 23:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20182240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GubraithianFire/pseuds/yukinatsu
Summary: “That clock,” Mafuyu’s voice was quiet, yet staggeringly loud in the dormant household. It made Uenoyama’s heart pound hard, so hard he thought it might leap out of his chest.“Is the same as the one at Yuuki’s.”—or: me making That Scene from vol 5 ch 23 much longer and more heartbreaking and softer than it already is.





	i will carry your pain.

**Author's Note:**

> I binged the whole manga last night, and now it’s midnight and I have been haunted by vol 5 ch 23 for almost 24 hours. 
> 
> pls send help. 
> 
> i lov my boys. 
> 
> enjoy!!

“That clock,” Mafuyu’s voice was quiet, yet staggeringly loud in the dormant household. It made Uenoyama’s heart pound hard, so hard he thought it might leap out of his chest. 

“Is the same as the one at Yuuki’s.” 

Before he could think twice about it, Uenoyama flopped on the futon, his heart sinking in his chest, a screaming sadness ringing in his ears. He grabbed Mafuyu by the back of his shirt and held the boy to his chest, grinding his teeth. 

“Geez, you-”

“I’m sorry, I said something strange…” 

Uenoyama shook his head with force. “No! That’s not it!”

He struggled to find the right words. He sank with his face deeper into his boyfriend’s shoulder, and kept his eyes close as he spoke. 

“I don’t really know much… about your past. But when I’m with you, don’t make a face like you’re about to cry all by yourself.” 

Uenoyama heard Mafuyu draw in a sharp breath, before two calloused hands gripped his shirt from behind. 

“Uenoyama-kun…”

Uenoyama just held Mafuyu tighter to him. He was feeling like  _ he  _ was the one depending on Mafuyu for everything about their relationship. He didn’t have any experience, after all. 

But sometimes, just sometimes, he wished for Mafuyu to lean on him, talk to him about Yuuki, share bits of his trauma. 

“Tell me about him,” Uenoyama murmured. Silence echoed. 

“You don’t have to if-”

“Yuuki was… bright, brighter than the sun. I loved him  _ so _ much.”

The words hit Uenoyama like blows to his solar plexus. He was jealous, so jealous of someone who wasn’t even there anymore. 

He was jealous that Mafuyu had known Yuuki since childhood, jealous that he had been all of Mafuyu’s firsts, jealous of the bond they’d shared.

Sometimes, Uenoyama wondered if he would ever live up to Yuuki’s shadow. 

But he was doing this for Mafuyu, he wanted to know, so that Mafuyu could rely on him just as Uenoyama relied on him. 

This didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like shit. 

“He loved music,” Mafuyu continued, “He would often write songs for me. But he never asked me to write  _ with  _ him. I used to hate music, for taking him away from me.”

Mafuyu’s voice started trembling, and Uenoyama held him in his arms, wrapping his legs around the other boy’s lean frame. He couldn’t bear to look him in the eye. 

“We had a nasty fight, you know? Right before he died. I asked him if he would die for me.” 

Uenoyama’s chest felt heavy, heavy as if full of tar. He couldn’t breathe. 

“It wasn’t your fault.” 

Mafuyu distanced himself from him, to look him in the eye. The utter pain in his gaze scared Uenoyama. 

“You don’t know that.” 

“I know that you are… something else. You are amazing and a genius and kind and soft and warm and- shit, I’m not good with words, but. What I mean is that Yuuki-san must have known you didn’t mean what you said. And I know for sure that he loved you. He wouldn’t have wanted you to blame yourself for what happened. He loved you, Mafuyu.” 

Mafuyu’s eyes welled up, and so did Uenoyama’s. 

The guitarist grabbed his boyfriend’s cheeks in his hands, and whispered, “I’ll make you happy. I vow I’ll make you happy. So happy you will think you’re about to burst. We won’t forget Yuuki, you will tell me about him whenever you feel like it, so that you’ll be able to remember him forever, but that doesn’t mean we won’t be happy. You hear me, Mafuyu? I love you. I want you to be happy.” 

Mafuyu looked dumbfounded, staring at Uenoyama with his big, questioning eyes. 

Soon, Uenoyama realised he had said ‘I love you’ for the first time. 

Well. Shit. 

Blushing hard, Uenoyama hid his embarrassment in Mafuyu’s shoulder. 

“I love you too, Uenoyama-kun. You’re the most understanding boyfriend I could have asked for. Thank you for letting me remember Yuuki.” 

Uenoyama couldn’t resist anymore. To hell that Yayoi was sleeping in the other room. She was probably fast asleep, anyway. 

He grabbed Mafuyu by the collar of his pyjamas and kissed him deep, hard. 

Mafuyu replied in earnest to the kiss, his mouth open and pliant under Uenoyama’s. 

The guitarist started feeling the usual warmth that he always felt in Mafuyu's presence pool at the pit of his stomach. 

Before things got out of control (and before Mafuyu’s hands in his hair, his tongue in his mouth, his legs wrapped around him made him go crazy) Uenoyama put an end to their making out session. 

He didn’t want things to get out of control. He wasn’t feeling ready for anything… more than kissing, really. 

“Let’s get to sleep, we have school tomorrow.”

Mafuyu was smiling fondly at him, his head tilted to the side, his hair wildly covering half of his face. 

“What?” Uenoyama asked, self-conscious. 

“You’re cute.”

Uenoyama choked on his own spit. 

“Go to bed, staying up late is bad for your brain.”

Mafuyu chuckled softly, then leaned up to peck Uenoyama’s cheek. 

“‘Night,” he murmured, and lied down, closing his eyes. 

Uenoyama looked at him drift off to sleep, for a few minutes, before he realised what he was doing. He shook his head and went to his own bed. 

Mafuyu was broken, and traumatised, but still worth everything Uenoyama had to offer. 

Uenoyama would have given Mafuyu anything, and he didn’t want to fix him. 

He just wanted Mafuyu to be happy, with all his traumatic baggage with him. Because now he wouldn’t have had to carry it by himself. 

Uenoyama would have carried all of Mafuyu’s pain with him as well. 

**Author's Note:**

> pls leave kudos and comment if you enjoyed!! 
> 
> my tumblr (where i blab about given way too much and liveblog the anime atm) is @ clarimon. 
> 
> see u next level!! 💕


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